GUTTER BLOGS
"EXPLAINING TRUTH FROM THE BOTTOM UP"
Free Will by: Delvyn Crawford
"All of my friends seem to do whatever they wanted to do, so why couldn't I? To add fuel to the fire, my friends would say things like, "Your parents are strict!" "I couldn't image having parents like yours!" "You have no life!" "It'll be a shame to walk in your shoes.” Furthermore, they'll pose questions like, "How can you let them control you like that?” " "Have you ever considered running away?” Have your parents considered the fact that you're practically grown? One of my closest friends even went so far to say, "Do you not know that God gave you a free will to do whatever you want?" "They already lived their life, live yours; it's your life!"
Exactly, I thought! I've been thinking that same way all along; I pondered. Before long, I stop abiding by my parents rules, and did whatever I pleased. I turned their ringer off at night so they wouldn't hear the phone ring so I could receive late night phone calls. I sneaked out of the house and drove their car, in order to hang out with my friends. I did the total opposite of what they commanded me to do, because it was my life! This way of thinking caused my parents not allow me to use the phone, drive their car, or let me go anywhere with my friends. Frustrated, I eventually ran away from home at age 17, right before graduating from high school. Bitter about the rules my parents commanded me to follow, and refusing to abide by them, I found myself homeless, and without food or transportation.
Being in the mind frame that this was my life, and no one was going to tell me what to do or how to live it, I started accepting things for what they were. I vowed not to go back to my parent’s house, because I refused to live by their rules! I carried this way of thinking right into adulthood. Knowing what the bible said regarding the Ten Commandments, the devil whispered softly in my spirit, "God is trying to tell you how to live your life; just like your parents did." "Are you going to allow Him to tell you how you should live your life? "He gave everybody a free will, so you can do whatever you want." Exactly, I thought again. This was like Déjà Vu! Therefore, I freely had sex, got drunk, clubbed every weekend, became a thief, envied others, was not forgiving, and did whatever I pleased. By the way..., it was my life, and I had a free will to do whatever I wanted!
After awhile, due to my disobedience and rebellion, I got somebody pregnant without being married to them, served time in jail, messed up my credit, and became a pathological liar that couldn't be trusted. Because of an unwilling heart to obey God, I became a fool, and was cursed because of my ignorance and rebellion. Similar to my childhood, I became bitter, and just accepted things for the way that they were, because it was my life! So I cheated the system, received money from ill-gotten gain, lived in poverty and sickness, and accepted being cursed, rather than experiencing the very best that God wanted to offer for my life. Somewhere along the line, I was deceived.
The truth was that God indeed gave me a free will, but the free will that He'd given me was for the purposes of loving Him with all my heart, might, soul, and strength. How many people are there in the world today that has rebeled against God, because they were FOOLED to believe that He didn't WANT the very BEST for their life? Make sure you seek God, and all of His righteousness, that you don't be deceived to believe that your wrong doings are justified by the free will that He's given you. Be advised that the devil keeps a track record of your life; and will utilize the same tactics he performed through your childhood, to get you to rebel against God as an adult. Truly live a free will life today, by accepting Jesus as your Lord and personal Savior; and walking in a manner that acknowledges and pleases the Lord!
Hazel Eyes by Nadja G-C
Looking up at the sky and the sun is bright with rays that warm your skin. The clouds are fluffy like a goose feathered down pillow. I feel the wind touching me softer than a lover's first kiss on the neck. Sounds of tree leaves moving with the whispering wind reminds me of a voice softly speaking your name. With such beauty, why would I ever want to close my eyes? GOD PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME BLINK!!! Before please can come out my mouth, my eyes are closed. DARKNESS!!!
It's been a long time since I've been here, this place that makes my chest hurt. I can't breathe but when I do, with each breath drops a tear. WHY? WHY NOW? WHY CAN'T I STILL BE TOUGH ON THE INSIDE AND OUT? LORD ANSWER ME!!!
My eyes are open.
Children playing simple games like "Hide-n-Seek". Their laughter makes anyone near reminisce of their childhood past. Hearty giggles force you to look their way and just watch them play. Running around in a circle just fast enough for the little ones to be within fingers reach. Yet they don't run too fast so that the game isn't fun. Here we go again as the dust in my eyes makes me blink. DARN!
My eyes are closed.
Why can't I I just stay in the part of my life where watching kids play is fulfilling? I need that place. Every time my eyes close I'm here, where pain makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack, Asthma attack, and the Flu in short I'm hurting all over. I don't want to close my eyes; bad dreams are a part of my everyday reality. In youth death was like a close relative waiting to see who was next on the visitors list. The understanding of death came way too early in my life. No one ever asked me why was gray my favorite color; it was the first color that ever stuck in my head. At the age of eight it was the color of my father's casket. While other children would've told you pink, green, red or purple. Gray was mine.
My eyes are open.
I have and will never see another smile like his. Eyes brown with deep thought behind them, never will truly know what the thoughts are. Life often times is better with a mystery behind it. Strength I mean strong very strong, don't get me wrong I know there is a weak point there. Yet strength is what he always displays to me. A strength that can only come from FEARING GOD, needless to say he does. He is my rock that my tears fall on, my husband Delvyn.
My eyes are closed.
It's time again, man I hate to blink; Grandma has Cancer my mother's MOMMY. I cry so hard because I have never seen her cry. Ethel White Strong GOD FEARING WOMAN; that spent twenty-fours hours in labor with me! I can't remember seeing her cry at my father's funeral. I cry because she doesn't. At least I have never seen a tear fall from her face if it wasn't because of laughter. I inhale but I can't breathe. What is the reason behind this? At some point this has to stop.
My eyes are open.
A song is stuck in my head, however I don't know the title; but the words are there. "Jesus is on the main line tell him what you want, Jesus is on the main line tell him what you want." It's STUCK IN MY HEAD!!! So I stop what I'm doing and do just that. I tell God how I feel, what I've been feeling and how I need to breathe. Much more was said and asked of Him. Most importantly were peace and the strength that my mother has. Her eyes always display freedom to me, she might be feeling differently inside but her eyes tell me different.
My eyes are closed.
Dear heavenly Father I NEVER want to start a prayer without giving you thanks first. Lord thank you for my family, thank you for every blessing you have given us. Father I come to you with a heavy heart and mind. I need peace and freedom. I am in pain in my soul; I don't want to blink my eyes because of the thoughts that come to my mind. I want to have the strength to fight off the sadness. I have faith in you; I don't understand why I can't fight the thoughts. I hear a voice LOUD AND CLEAR..., "NADJA WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SCRIPTURE?"
My eyes are open and so is the Bible
THE PSALMS
27
The Lord Is My Light and My Salvation
A Psalm of David.
1. The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
2. When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes,
came upon me to eat up my flesh,
they stumbled and fell.
3. Though a host should encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear:
though war should rise against me,
in this will I be confident.
4. One thing have I desired of the LORD,
that will I seek after;
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all my days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the LORD,
and to inquire in his temple.
5. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion:
in the secrets of his tabernacle shall he hide me;
he shall set me up upon a rock.
6. And now shall mine head be lifted up
above mine enemies round about me:
therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy;
I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.
7. Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice:
have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8. When thou saidst, Seek ye my face;
my heart said unto thee,
Thy face, LORD, will I seek.
Peace and Strength my eyes are open and no longer afraid to blink.
Can You Question God? by Delvyn Crawford
Time and time again, I've heard from my grandmother that God doesn't make any mistakes. Having my uncertainties about my grandmother's statement, I then began to question God. When my grandmother saw this, she immediately told me to be quiet because a man wasn't suppose to question God. In respect for my grandmother, I did exactly what she said and kept my mouth shut. I couldn't help but think, however, about the disabled kids in my school, that were in wheelchairs, back braces, on crutches, wore helmets on their heads, and couldn't stop themselves from drooling out of their mouth. Surely, God messed up when He made them, I thought to myself. How come they couldn't have the health and strength that I had? Why did they have to be subjected to the name callings and ridicule of others?
I then thought about those people they showed on television, that had insects swarming all around them; who didn't have access to clean water, medical care, and was dying from starvation. Did God care about them? Maybe He made another mistake.
How about the innocent bystanders that died from the result of something they couldn't control such as bombings, war, robbery, stabbing, or a stray bullet? How could a loving God allow these horrible things to occur and happen to people on a regular basis? Certainly, God had to make a mistake somewhere, I thought.
Since I wasn't suppose to question God about these things, I posed the question to my parents, teachers, leaders, and mentors. But all they could say was that I needed to be thankful for the life that I lived. When they told me this, I became more confused. Was I suppose to rejoice because I wasn't handicapped? Was I suppose to be thankful because I had food on the table? Was I suppose to be happy because my residence didn't get bomb; and I didn't get robbed, stabbed, or shot by a stray bullet? Was I??? How unfair would that be to all the others who experienced these things?
The day that I seeked God, and grew to know Him by His nature and Diety, I found out that a man shouldn't question God. I'm suppose to "REJOICE". I'm suppose to "BE THANKFUL". I'm suppose to "BE HAPPY". I'm suppose to be appreciative of the life that God has given me! One thing that I've learned, is that we can't explain why things happen the way that they happen, due to our "FUTILE" minds. Who can explain how the "SUN" shines everyday of our lives, without it ever malfunctioning? Who can explain the complexity of all creation; in which an owl can turn its head 360 degrees, where a bat can hang and sleep upside down, and a human possessing the intelligence to travel to the moon?
When we lean on our own understanding, we never see the bigger picture; which is God's purpose. All things work for the good of those who love God, and is called according to His purpose. Just like the blind man in the scriptures who committed no sin to cause his blindness; but was healed that God may be glorified, so is everything else that we may not understand. I now know why man shouldn't question God. The reason why is because God's ways are much higher than our ways, and his thoughts are much higher than our thoughts. We just have to pray for those in need, and trust God.
Can We Last? by Nadja G-C
Over the past few decades many people who haven't seen their married friends in a while greet them by asking, “Are you and what's his/her name still married?” Why isn’t it the option to say, "When are you all having your 20yr anniversary dinner not there?” Marriage, in my eyes is looked at as a temporary "situation" (Erykau Badu). I personally never had a great example of how a marriage was supposed to be. With that said, I was forced to try and figure it out on my own. When the path of marriage was filled with boulders, I didn't want to exercise and climb them. Never the less, even without the example of what to do when things are going wrong wasn't there, I still tried to keep it together. My husband was also in the same boat I was in with no one to show him how a marriage was meant to be. When things weren't going the way he felt it should be, running was the same path he wanted to take; just like generations before him.
What makes running so easy for many people? The only thing that comes to mind for me is; people have been taught by example to run from something that scares them, then to stay and show that you have a little ounce of courage. When life gets hard, husbands and wives need to show that they’re warriors. Getting stabbed in the fatty tissue of your leg is just a flesh wound. Don't get me wrong; taking a knife to the heart (Infidelity) is another story. We need to fight! If we don't step up to the plate and be an example for the next generation then the 360° effect will equal infinity.
In the first half of my marriage with drama coming from every angle, the warrior in me was getting exhausted. My husband was strapping up his sprinting shoes. After talking about seeing a marriage counselor, I then saw that we were going to put on our armor and get ready for round two. We talked to our pastor and seen that outside of fighting each other, we were fighting generational curses. Neither my husband nor I were quitters. If this meant we had to fight in order to show God we meant our vows, THEN SO BE IT!
If we had of “GAVE UP”, we would have never been blessed with our sons. If we had of “GAVE UP”, we wouldn't be able to show our friends, family and on lookers what a marriage can be like.
I am not saying marriage will have a fairy tale ending, because there is no ending. Marriage is an ongoing work in progress. Showing your strength in a marriage shows others your true character.
Does Age Have A True Bearing? by Tina Williams (Freelancer)
Over the years I have taken part in plenty of discussions on the "RIGHT" age to start a family. Many of my peers say that they chose to start their families at a young age because they wanted to be able to "RELATE" to them and the experiences they may encounter or some felt they would be able to "ENJOY" their children more while they were still young. On the other side of those conversations I have brought this subject manner into play with some of my previous teachers, older coworkers, and even a few of my mentors that were just beginning their familes.
The reasoning behind waiting until their late 20's, mid 30's, and in some cases early 40's, was due to wanting to be better established in life allowing them to "ENJOY" and "RELATE" to their children more. Whether it was to be better suited emotionally or financially, those happened to be the core reasons. I myself do not believe there is a particular age that is "CORRECT" when starting a family. I do however believe it to be the type of communication and love you give your child/children that ultimately dictates the "ENJOYMENT" you share and "RELATIONSHIP" you build. A younger parent may have the advantage in the way of age, but do they have the life knowledge that the older parent holds, or are they still "LOOKING" for themselves!? Maybe an older parent has the advantage in the way of stability, but do they have the time needed to wear yet another "HAT!?"
Age does not dictate how well we will be at raising a child, yet the spiritual strength, willingness to share ourselves, communication, trust, and understanding will have us off to an outstanding start. I always tell my children's teachers that I don't send my children to school to be raised but to be taught; because I'm a firm believer that a child being raised begins at home.
Contact Tina Williams for Freelance writing via email at: soitiswrittenbyt@live.com
Fast Food, Alcohol, & Cigarettes by Delvyn Crawford
Fast food, alcohol, and cigarettes have to be good for you! I mean... every company that sells these products have some of the most alluring, eye catching, attractive, and most striking people that I've ever seen advertising for them. I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but one can't help notice the smooth skin, white teeth, and toned physique that these people exemplify on posters, billboards, and commercials. In fact, I don't know what's all the hoopla and commotion that these "DOCTORS" pronounce about fast food; and why cigarettes and alcohol are mandated by "LAW", to put those "SURGEON GENERAL WARNINGS" on their products!
Who cares about "HEART DISEASE", "HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE", "KIDNEY FAILURE," "DIABETES", "OBESITY", "CANCER", and getting "ADDICTED" to these products anyway? If you're young, it just may be worth taking the risk; don't you think? Just the other day, I observed a poster of a guy holding a fifth of liquor with gorgeous women all around him. What man wouldn't want that attention, I thought. The poster had me convinced that it was "THE LIQUOR" that brought the women around, not him! Similar to "KELIS" Milkshake bringing all "THE BOYS" to the yard, and the "Axe Body Spray" that men "PURPOSELY" put on, to have women of every ethnicity "FLOCKING" to them.
When I considered eating "FAST FOOD", drinking "ALCOHOL", and smoking "CIGARETTES", something profound was brought to my attention. Through a trusted source, I was informed that these companies are masters of deception. I couldn't believe it! What was more interesting, was that a lot of these companies search for people who are appealing; that's "TYPICALLY" in dire need of money. Conscious about their "DIFFICULT" circumstances, and fully aware that they would do just about "ANYTHING" to obtain money and notoriety; due to the fact that "MOST" of them come from poverty stricken backgrounds, these companies "EXPOSE" them to sell their "HARMFUL" products.
Surprisingly, these companies admitted that they wasn't oppose to advertising with people that frequently use, and overindulge in their products. The problem they emphasized, however, was that "THOSE" people are either unavailable or unqualified to advertise, because some of them are on respirators, in hospitals, or look older than what they really are. With that said... I guess I won't be eating "FAST FOOD", drinking "ALCOHOL", and smoking "CIGARETTES" after all. If I did, it wouldn't be because of those ads!
