GUTTER BLOGS
"EXPLAINING TRUTH FROM THE BOTTOM UP"
A Chat with Delvyn Crawford; BeautyGirl Magazine Interview
What was the inspiration behind starting Gutter Enterprises?
The inspiration behind starting Gutter Enterprises came about when I realized how many people were oppressed from the negative experiences that they've encountered from their past. Due to those negative experiences, a large majority of those individuals believe that they're insignificant, without purpose, and incapable of having a joyous, productive, meaningful life; which ultimately causes them to become repulsive, rebellious, and develop a defeated mentality, based on their unresolved issues and circumstances. Being able to relate to this way of life, and firsthand knowing how unfortunate situations can set up barriers when it comes to positive thinking, Gutter Enterprises emerged as I began to testify about my life experiences through motivational speaking, writing, music, and media. As a result, Gutter Enterprises has evolved as a company that illustrates "Hope", regardless of your background, ethnicity, shortcomings, or education.
The name might present an automatic negative connotation to those who aren't familiar with your work. Does this bother you?
When the name "Gutter" was thought upon to be the legitimate name for the company, I was somewhat leery. Based on the conception of usage of the name "Gutter", which often deplores violence, sex, and mayhem; in addition to gratifying those who live such lifestyles by way of entertainment, I sincerely thought about choosing a different name. After a lot of prayer, I reconsidered the name, and became secure in my decision to name the company "Gutter Enterprises"; based on the fact that I've derived from such a society that has shaped and molded me into the person that I am today. If the name "Gutter" automatically presents a negative connotation, my hope is to transcend the usage of the word, by conveying messages that are encouraging, inspiring, and motivational; which are contrary to those who use the word for harmful intent.
In today's society, we tend to focus more on how we are perceived by others on the outside, than how we are perceived by others spiritually. Why do you think that is?
Since childhood, we've all tried to be accepted and perceived in some way or another; to those individuals who we believed mattered the most. In elementary, I remember altering my grades on my report card, and lying to my parents about the grades I received on exams and quizzes, because I wanted to be perceived as the son who was intelligent, responsible, and made his parents proud. Consequently, in today's society, many people focus on how they're perceived by those who hold the most value to them. I think our primary motive dictates how we want people to view us, and in time, it eventually reveals any hidden agendas. When notoriety, status, and/or fame, takes precedence over how we want people to perceive us spiritually, I believe that's a strong indication that we're trying to be accepted for the wrong reasons. The moment that we come to grips with ourselves, reevaluate our motives, and stop being so concern about how people perceive us to be on the outside, we'll start moving in the direction of focusing more on how we want people to perceive us spiritually.
What do you think truly makes a woman "beautiful"?
There was a time if you would have asked me this question, I would have named well known celebrity women, who are glorified by the world as being beautiful, that are placed on magazine covers, billboards, and selected in various genres of entertainment for exposure. Nowadays, however, due to an increase level of maturity and understanding, I believe what makes a woman truly beautiful goes way beyond her physical features. In essence, the natural beauty of a woman can strike attention due to her physical attraction, but what makes a woman truly beautiful, (and might I add remarkably stunning), is her ability to love & care for others, be content with what she has, respectful, empathetic and forgiving, hardworking, committed & trustworthy, humble, and most importantly, have a fear & reverence to God. I think a woman who exemplifies these characteristics, radiates goodness, happiness, contentment, and a quiet and mild spirit; which brings out the true beauty within them.
Do you think men realize exactly how much their opinion on a woman's appearance can really affect her psychologically? Why do you feel this way?
Sadly, I think men not only realize how much their opinion on a woman's appearance affects her psychologically, but they also realize that those women who are affected by their opinions can be misused for their advantage. In marriage, some men openly compare their wives to other women that they believe are attractive, which causes their wives to either get depressed, or try to please their husbands by exercising extensively; while at the same time trying to balance working, taking care of the kids, and handling bills. Psychologically, she believes that she's in competition with the lady her husband deems attractive; therefore, she does everything in her power to enhance her appearance, due to the opinions of her husband. Similarly, a lot of single women that seek companionship desire the opinions of other men, in order to see if their appearance is suitable and accepted, even before they start dating. If these women have an inkling that they appearance isn't up to par, according to the opinions of men, they do various things to enhance their appearance, so they can get complimented rightfully. I believe this is so, because women yearn to be adored, admired, and esteemed by men.
Young girls have a tendency to change their appearance, personality and/or even their morals to impress their friends or the current object of their affection. What are your thoughts on this?
Due to the ever evolving system of "Pop Culture", I believe that young girls have a tendency to change their appearance, personality and /or even their morals to impress friends or the current object of their affection; based on the fact that they're heavily influenced by mass media, and controlled by the perspectives, attitudes, memes, images, and other phenomena that are deemed preferred within mainstream culture. When young girls are led and controlled by "pop Culture", they usually develop the mentality of what's hot & what's not, what's popular & what's corny, or what's in & what's out. Young girls who've grasp the concept of "keeping up with the Joneses", become the most popular; while those who haven't, often become the outcast amongst their peers. Because of the fear of rejection, and a lack of self esteem due to various reasons, these young girls change themselves periodically to fit the mold of what their current object of affection believes they should be. Unfortunately, when young girls fail to live up to what society or others want them to be, insecurity, a lack of confidence, and in severe cases suicides are committed, due to their way of thinking.
What are some of the patterns you've found amongst young ladies whom you have encountered while working Gutter Enterprises?
Some of the patterns that I've encountered amongst young ladies while working at Gutter Enterprises have been uplifting and positive. I've had the privilege of networking with young lady entrepreneurs across the nation, along with connecting with some that visited our website, and were inspired from the things that they observed. Most often, without expectation, I'll receive emails from ladies from various places granting me the opportunity to allow them to promote our company, post our blogs on their website, speak at their functions, attend their events, and partake in being interviewed. What's fascinating, is that all of these young ladies that I've connected with while working at Gutter Enterprises have already taken the intuitive to help those in need, serve with their gifts, and made positive impacts within their community. In my experiences, I've come to realize that all of the young ladies are enthusiastic about uniting and coming together, in order to reach those who are in need of hope, love, and encouragement. I'm grateful and appreciative of my encounters with these young ladies, due to the fact that I've had other experiences from men that were more along the lines of competition, rather than purpose.
So what's next for Gutter Enterprises?
Gutter Enterprises is working diligently on an array of events/projects; in which we feel will impact the lives of many. In addition, we're seeking support from Videographers, Editors, Music Producers, Freelance Writers, and various businesses that support and believe in our vision. In the coming year, we plan on hosting campaigns that will open the hearts and minds of the people, promote awareness, perform at events/venues in & out of state, and provide new services under the umbrella of Gutter Enterprises. Our hope is to expand not only in our community, but globally; knowing that the message that we bring forth has the capability of reaching the masses in an influential way.
Deceived, by "The American Dream" - Written by: Delvyn
The other day, I asked someone at my job how they were doing and they replied, "Living The American Dream". Likewise, I asked another individual the same question later that day and they uttered the same response. Not knowing what was "The American Dream", I searched for the definition, and it stated, "An American ideal of a happy and successful life that all may aspire." After reading the definition, one word came to mind; "Money".
As most of you may already know, the love of money is the root of all evil. When I think of "The American Dream", and all those who aspire to live it, I perceive various ulterior motives that entails manipulation, deceit, flattery, and selfishness. Granted, there are individuals, businesses, and organizations that have good ethical practices, and serves as a means to provide services that are legitimate, helpful, and resourceful; but for the most part, to live "The American Dream" means to do whatever it takes to live a happy and successful life; according to the standards of society. 
Since "The American Dream" is to live a happy, and successful life, and many people relate "Money" to be the key to their success and happiness, anything goes! Those individuals that own alcohol companies capitalize on people who live in anxiety, and depression, by providing an artificial remedy to their problems; without genuinely caring for their problems. Those individuals that own record companies, talk shows, radio stations, and/or any other form of media that promotes a message of negativity, capitalizes on people who identify themselves as being rejected, disowned, ghetto, or from the streets. Those people that are in the business of promoting pornography, explicit magazines, Gentlemen/Swing clubs, and everything else in between, capitalizes on those individuals who struggle with lust; all for the sake of living "The American Dream." 
What's even more disturbing is that those individuals who have succeeded in their efforts to capitalize on the shortcomings of others, are exalted in America if they made a substantial amount of money. So what that rapper/singer conveyed a message to your child to sell drugs, pimp, strip, hurt others, or do whatever it took to make money; at least he/she obtained a music award, has a lot of cars, a big house and own's multiple businesses. So what the Owner of that explicit magazine recruited someone that just turned 18 to pose naked; at least he/she isn't lacking financially, can donate to charity, and provide for those that are in need of employment. So what that man/woman does web cam, and encourages others to do the same to make a living; at least they can put their children in college, pay their bills, and is living "The American Dream"
I've convinced that America is deceived by "The American Dream", and until we can grasp, and make efforts in fulfilling "The Greatest Commandment", which is to "Love the Lord with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength; and love our neighbor as ourself", we'll continue to be deceived by it. Contrary to popular belief, I believe that true happiness and success is only found in serving, helping, and adding value to the lives of others; through a spirit of love that only God can bestow on us.
Don't be deceived, by "The American Dream"
My Letter to the Gospel Community: by Delvyn Crawford
Remember the song entitled "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems?” Mase started his verse by saying,
Now, who's hot, who's not
Tell me who rock, who sell out the stores
Tell me who flopped? Who copped the blue drop?
And etc., etc.
If you can recall, Mase based His successes on cash flow, admiration, image, and status. Needless to say, to a world that glorified the monetary things, he, (and his counterparts), appeared to be on top.
Likewise, I've come to the realization that the "Gospel Community" tends to operate in the same lane, when it comes to position, notoriety, and/or popularity. Many ponder on, "Who's blessed, who's cursed?" "Who has favor, who doesn't?" "Who's doing more, and who's doing less?" It's one thing to be exalted by God; but it's another to focus on being exalted by your own efforts. The bible states that those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. In my observation, many people place themselves on a pedestal, become judgmental, and live in division amongst their Christian brothers and sisters; whenever the motive behind what they do isn’t justified.
In the most extreme cases, gossip, slander, backstabbing, and everything else that has nothing to do with God's nature, infiltrates our minds and causes us to live according to the flesh; rather than the Spirit. Some will argue that theology, traditions, and differences in opinions and etc, is the main reason for the disunity that we see. I believe, however, that it goes far deeper than that; involving a lack of love, forgiveness, and accountability.
I'll be the first to admit that I am a imperfect man that serves a "Perfect" God! I pray that all of you follow my lead, open your hearts to those who've wronged you, and allow the "LOVE" of Jesus to penetrate your hearts! Please be advised, "There's no offense in the law of love." Let's get back to "Mission", rather than "Competition", and UNITE! 
Quitting Makes it Worse: By Delvyn Crawford
Now for all you thinkers out there, I'm not speaking in regards to things that can help you physically. Certainly the quitting of cigarettes, alcohol, and unethical behaviors has it's life long benefits; but I'm focusing on the aspect of someone who quits something that can potentially place them in a position of success and betterment. For example, if I desired to lose 15 pounds in six months, but only lose 3 pounds, I shouldn't allow myself to become so discourage that I quit. Doing so would drive me to have a careless attitude, and before you know it i'll be more overweight than I was before trying to lose those 15 pounds. Or say you studied long and hard to pass an exam such as a quiz, or something more detrimental for you to be accepted in college like your SAT or ACT; but you failed after taking them. If you allow yourself to become depressed, and quit because of a defeated spirit, you'll miss out on passing on to the next grade, or possibly going to college.
A friend once told me that slow motion, is better than no motion. I found this out to be true in my own experiences. My marriage didn't start off great, but with communication, love, and lot of prayer, things have never been better. Since fourteen I was addicted to pornography, but the more I read the Bible, engaged myself in productive activities, and became intimate in my relationship with the Lord, my desire to watch porn eventually ceased. To work Gutter Enterprises full time, while reaching those who are in need of hope, love, and encouragement has been a dream of mine since establishing the company in 2008, and even though that dream hasn't come to pass, I still envision, prepare, and concentrate on the goal at hand; despite the challenges that may present itself. If I quit, then I'll never fulfil my dream, or do what's purposed in my heart.
Quitting makes matters worse, therefore I advise you all to never give up! Always remember, as long as you don't give up, you'll always place yourself in the position to win the fight!
Words Can Hurt You: by Delvyn Crawford
Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Yeah right, (sarcasm). If that's not the biggest lie that I ever heard! The words we hear are nothing less than powerful. In fact, the words we hear are so powerful that it can't only hurt you, but kill you. It's been proven far too often that death and life is in the power of the tongue. Do you believe that? Just image an ant crawling on the ground before you. It's in your power to destroy that ant by crushing it, or letting it live. Words in the same way, has that immediate ability to destroy, or give life! That's why it's imperative and vital to be careful of the words that you hear.
Would a parent who says that they love their child pick up a gun and shoot them point blank range? Of course not! But why are so many children verbally abused from parents who say that they love them? In order for a gun to function, it must have bullets in the chamber. The bullets placed in the chamber in and of itself can't kill you. When the trigger is squeezed, however, the force thrusting behind the bullet can harm and fatally kill you when aimed at your direction. Likewise, the tongue in and of itself can't harm you when it's dormant; but when words are uttered and released in your direction, it's more powerful than an AK-47 rifle! With that said, what kind of words are you shooting at your kids, and who are you allowing to have target practice with your soul?
The number one thing that people are influenced by, good or bad, is words. It's critically important to not feed ourselves, or retain words they'll destroy, but bring us life! Be mindful of what you hear, because it has the power to shape what you believe. It's mind boggling to hear people listen to music full of negative messages and profanity; justifying it by saying that it's just entertainment. What's even worse is when these people say they can distinguish what's right from wrong, and what they hear doesn't effect them one way or the other. I got news for you..., when you entertain words long enough, not only will you start saying it, you'll start reenacting what you hear as well.
Did you know that more than half of suicides committed is a result of what somebody said? Are you aware that there's a significant amount of prostitutes because of what was spoken to them; such as, "Outside of pleasure, you're good for nothing" "You'll never be anything in life" "You're worthless, and noone loves you?" In many instances, they're deceived by pimps who say sweet nothings to get them to do whatever they want. Their emotions are entangled by the words that they hear.
Has it occurred to you that people are emotionally inclined to what they hear? Think of it this way..., Do you have a favorite song? What inspires you? Better yet, what angers you? Whatever moves you, it's reflected off of what you hear. So what are you listening to? Is it the gossip you hear in the beauty salon/barber shop; or amongst family, friends, or media? Are you listening to words that discourages or gives you a sense of hopelessness? Have you allowed the words of others to paralyze you mentally; causing you to lack and not expand your horizons to hope, dream, or believe? I urge you to surround yourself with individuals who speak life! People that will motivate, uplift, encourage, and express words of peace and love. Don't be deceived by thinking that words doesn't have the power to hurt, and kill you; because it does!
Who's to Blame???: by Delvyn Crawford
Not too long ago, I was forced to take the City bus to work on a Monday morning, due to my ball joint giving out on my vehicle. The previous night, I took my family out for dinner, and after a fun filled evening full of togetherness, my left wheel nearly came off after pulling into our driveway. Upset that I just spent over $500 dollars for a fuel injector just over a month before, I was quickly brought down from my anger after realizing that the wheel could've came off while I was traveling 75mph on the highway. If that would've occurred, serious injuries or death could've been the result for my family. Aware of this, I thanked God that He sustained us, and allowed the ball joint to come off when we got home, rather than the highway.
As I sat near the back of the bus, browsing through some flyers I picked up from the local corner store, I observed around fifteen teenagers getting aboard. All of them appeared to be going to school, due to their backpacks, books, and other school related items in their possession. One of the teenagers, who didn't have their bus pass or fare, walked on the bus without paying. When the bus driver told the teenager that he had to pay or get off the bus, the teenager angrily cursed the bus driver out, and threatened their life. Frightened, the bus driver didn't put up any rebuttal, and allowed the teenager to stay on the bus without paying.
As I sat there in my seat, observing what had just took place, I was disturbed by what the other teenagers were doing. One openly belittled a man sitting on the bus that appeared to be homeless, another began smoking weed and passed it to his peers, others decided to make out in the back of the bus by kissing and touching each other inappropriately, some loudly shouted derogatory lyrics from the songs they were listening to on their I-Pods, and the rest went back and forth about the latest gossip in entertainment.
As I looked around, the other passengers on the bus either had their heads down, was pretending to read their books and newspapers, or did anything they could to stay to themselves. One lady, who started to notice her toddler look at the group of teenagers, pulled her son close to her side, and warned him not to look in their direction. Boiling inside, I started to feel compelled to stand up and address the behavior of these teenagers, until I overheard the ones sitting behind me plotting on how they were going to sneak their gun into school. Immediately I thought, "Is addressing the behavior of these teenagers worth the risk?" "I have a wife and two kids for crying out loud." "But if I don't, who will?" Before I knew it, as these random thoughts were coming across my mind, the teenagers finally came to their stop.
When the teenagers got off the bus, a sense of relief came to all those who remained on board. People stop pretending that they were reading, the lady with the toddler no longer held him so close to her side, and some even became cordial with others. With no other means of transportation, these people were forced to put up with the behavior of these teenagers on a regular basis. Then I thought, "Who's to blame for the behavior of these teenagers?" Is it their parents, and the way that they were raised?" "Is it the environment from which they came?" "Is their behavior a reflection of being subjected to heartache and pain?" I sat there and wondered, "Who's to blame?" Is it a lack of love within their lives? Has entertainment and media blinded their eyes? Is it because they have despised the Truth, for the sake of lies? "Who's to blame?"
To Tell or Not To Tell: by Nadja G-C
Sitting in the classroom and this girl in the desk behind you keeps kicking the bottom of your chair. You turn to ask her to please stop, and her reply is "MAKE ME". With that said, you shake your head and turn back around. Now she kicks it even harder, and her friend that's sitting next to you starts to blow spit balls at you through the tube of a BIC Pen that she took apart; custom made for you. Inside you want to raise your hand and tell the teacher, but you already know that things will get worse when you get to the next class. Therefore you keep your mouth closed.
On to the Science class where you think, "Hey... If I sit in the front of the class, they won't bother me." To the first seat in front is where you go. "Great, some peace to learn," you thought. The ring leader, however, sits behind you again. She made someone switch seats with her just so she can bother you. You never knew she was there until she pulled out one string of your hair. Once again you turn around and ask her to please stop, only for her reply to stay the same... "MAKE ME". Mr. Doe (science teacher), calls you to the front of the class to help him show the class which one is heavier, 10 lbs of socks, or 10 lbs of bananas. After you're done, you go back to your seat to sit down, only to pop back up in pain. She put a tack in your seat! Mr. Doe asked what happened, but she immediately kicks you and you already knew what that meant... KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! Knowing this, you looked at him and said, "Oh... it was nothing Mr. Doe." "I hit my elbow as I was sitting down."
Deep inside you wanted to tell soooo bad, but it would only get worse if the kids at school knew you were a snitch. You know the saying, "Snitches Get Stitches". After all, it was just a tack. Atleast she is only in four of your classes. There's the bell, it's time for gym, and Yep you guessed it... This is one of the four classes that she's in. You really want to ask what's her problem, and why does she single you out. While changing into your gym clothes, that thought continues to run through your head. As you pull your shirt over your head, you didn't see it coming; a friend of hers grabs your shirt just as you get it over your head. She has it so tight that you can't move. You struggle while they laugh along with a few of the girls from the gym class. The next thing you know, she's punching you in the stomach repeatedly. Your screaming and crying... STOP PLEASE STOP; but it seems like the more you scream, the harder she hits you.
Finally it's over, and the hitting has stopped. You pull your shirt down and sit in the corner and continue to cry. Your thoughts now is the worry of things getting worse, while still asking yourself, "WHY ME?" In your mind you don't have confidences in your Principal helping the problem. After all, the last time you heard of someone going to Mrs. Craft ( The Principal), she gave them a few days of detention. Then they were back to their old habits. Why would you go and talk to anyone about what's happening? Then the answer hits you... "Not every result is the same."
Once you could stand up, you went to the gym teacher who had to help you to Mrs. Craft's office. As you walk there the line "To Tell or Not To Tell" keeps running through your head; but you know the best thing to do is to TELL!!! That's just what you did. The conversation with the Principal started with you telling her how the day began, and to your surprise the police were called. Mrs. Craft told you that things were done wrong the last time she encountered something like this, therefore she wanted to make sure everything was done right this time. She also sternly said, "If you're being bullied, NEVER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!" "TELL SOMEONE!!!" "NEVER KEEP IT INSIDE!!!"
One month later, Mrs. Craft called you to her office, had you sit down and said, "Because you told someone, the police were called and she along with her other friends were taken to jail." "The counselors talked to the other students about what happened to you." "Due to the decision to tell someone, other kids came forward about the things that was happening to them; not just at school, but at home and other places as well." "Your actions helped others change the code of silence." "More bullies are being stopped in their tracks because of your courage." "If your acquaintances didn't have you as an example, they too might have held the abuse inside, and possibly caused themselves or others harm."
Human BUGS by Delvyn Crawford
Not too long ago, I was privileged to visit some of my family in Grand Rapids, MI. Along with me came my mother and two children. I felt an urgency to go see my grandmother who is expected to go through a major surgery in the upcoming months; with hopes of lifting her spirits by bringing along her great grandsons, so she could spend quality time with them. For I knew that she never seen my youngest child, and seeing him would bring joy to her soul. As anticipated, my grandmother was filled with happiness upon seeing them, and cherished the moment by observing my son's interact with one another, and do silly childish things right before her eyes. After a long weekend, we all said our goodbyes, and headed home on the highway.
Exhausted, my mom and two children fell asleep as I was driving around 70mph to get back home. Bobbing my head to Nakia's song "Be On Time", I saw a bug flying toward the wind shield of our vehicle. As the bug got closer, I was waiting for it to fly out the way so I wouldn't hit it. Before I knew it, 3, 2, 1, SPLAT! "Oh my goodness!" I yelled. After that, there was another, and another, and then another bug that went SPLAT on my wind shield. Hearing my reaction while she was sleeping, my mom woke up and said, "What's the problem?" "These bugs keep hitting the wind shield!" "Every 10 seconds I have to use the wind shield wiper fluid to clean the window off," I replied. "Yeah I know." "Either they can't see, are committing suicide, or just stupid." "You would think with all the freedom they have to fly anywhere that they please, that they wouldn't be hanging around some highway, putting themselves in danger of being killed," my mom said before falling back to sleep. Immediately, without my mother knowing, something struck me. How many people have the freedom to do whatever they please, but utilize that freedom to put themselves at risk of being killed? We all have to die, but like those bugs that roamed over the highway, they could have spared their lives if they didn't put themselves in the path of danger.
There's a time in a person's life when they must realize that disaster awaits them if they continue to walk in the path of danger. Countless times in my life, I was daring just like those bugs. It doesn't pay to play rushing roulette with your life. It shouldn't take a tragedy to occur, for our eyes to be open to the truth. For me, wisdom began to manifest within me as I read the Book of Proverbs. For a lack of knowledge, people are destroyed. Don't end up, an Human Bug.
Free Will by: Delvyn Crawford
"All of my friends seem to do whatever they wanted to do, so why couldn't I? To add fuel to the fire, my friends would say things like, "Your parents are strict!" "I couldn't image having parents like yours!" "You have no life!" "It'll be a shame to walk in your shoes.” Furthermore, they'll pose questions like, "How can you let them control you like that?” " "Have you ever considered running away?” Have your parents considered the fact that you're practically grown? One of my closest friends even went so far to say, "Do you not know that God gave you a free will to do whatever you want?" "They already lived their life, live yours; it's your life!"
Exactly, I thought! I've been thinking that same way all along; I pondered. Before long, I stop abiding by my parents rules, and did whatever I pleased. I turned their ringer off at night so they wouldn't hear the phone ring so I could receive late night phone calls. I sneaked out of the house and drove their car, in order to hang out with my friends. I did the total opposite of what they commanded me to do, because it was my life! This way of thinking caused my parents not allow me to use the phone, drive their car, or let me go anywhere with my friends. Frustrated, I eventually ran away from home at age 17, right before graduating from high school. Bitter about the rules my parents commanded me to follow, and refusing to abide by them, I found myself homeless, and without food or transportation.
Being in the mind frame that this was my life, and no one was going to tell me what to do or how to live it, I started accepting things for what they were. I vowed not to go back to my parent’s house, because I refused to live by their rules! I carried this way of thinking right into adulthood. Knowing what the bible said regarding the Ten Commandments, the devil whispered softly in my spirit, "God is trying to tell you how to live your life; just like your parents did." "Are you going to allow Him to tell you how you should live your life? "He gave everybody a free will, so you can do whatever you want." Exactly, I thought again. This was like Déjà Vu! Therefore, I freely had sex, got drunk, clubbed every weekend, became a thief, envied others, was not forgiving, and did whatever I pleased. By the way..., it was my life, and I had a free will to do whatever I wanted!
After awhile, due to my disobedience and rebellion, I got somebody pregnant without being married to them, served time in jail, messed up my credit, and became a pathological liar that couldn't be trusted. Because of an unwilling heart to obey God, I became a fool, and was cursed because of my ignorance and rebellion. Similar to my childhood, I became bitter, and just accepted things for the way that they were, because it was my life! So I cheated the system, received money from ill-gotten gain, lived in poverty and sickness, and accepted being cursed, rather than experiencing the very best that God wanted to offer for my life. Somewhere along the line, I was deceived.
The truth was that God indeed gave me a free will, but the free will that He'd given me was for the purposes of loving Him with all my heart, might, soul, and strength. How many people are there in the world today that has rebeled against God, because they were FOOLED to believe that He didn't WANT the very BEST for their life? Make sure you seek God, and all of His righteousness, that you don't be deceived to believe that your wrong doings are justified by the free will that He's given you. Be advised that the devil keeps a track record of your life; and will utilize the same tactics he performed through your childhood, to get you to rebel against God as an adult. Truly live a free will life today, by accepting Jesus as your Lord and personal Savior; and walking in a manner that acknowledges and pleases the Lord!
Hazel Eyes by Nadja G-C
Looking up at the sky and the sun is bright with rays that warm your skin. The clouds are fluffy like a goose feathered down pillow. I feel the wind touching me softer than a lover's first kiss on the neck. Sounds of tree leaves moving with the whispering wind reminds me of a voice softly speaking your name. With such beauty, why would I ever want to close my eyes? GOD PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME BLINK!!! Before please can come out my mouth, my eyes are closed. DARKNESS!!!
It's been a long time since I've been here, this place that makes my chest hurt. I can't breathe but when I do, with each breath drops a tear. WHY? WHY NOW? WHY CAN'T I STILL BE TOUGH ON THE INSIDE AND OUT? LORD ANSWER ME!!!
My eyes are open.
Children playing simple games like "Hide-n-Seek". Their laughter makes anyone near reminisce of their childhood past. Hearty giggles force you to look their way and just watch them play. Running around in a circle just fast enough for the little ones to be within fingers reach. Yet they don't run too fast so that the game isn't fun. Here we go again as the dust in my eyes makes me blink. DARN!
My eyes are closed.
Why can't I I just stay in the part of my life where watching kids play is fulfilling? I need that place. Every time my eyes close I'm here, where pain makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack, Asthma attack, and the Flu in short I'm hurting all over. I don't want to close my eyes; bad dreams are a part of my everyday reality. In youth death was like a close relative waiting to see who was next on the visitors list. The understanding of death came way too early in my life. No one ever asked me why was gray my favorite color; it was the first color that ever stuck in my head. At the age of eight it was the color of my father's casket. While other children would've told you pink, green, red or purple. Gray was mine.
My eyes are open.
I have and will never see another smile like his. Eyes brown with deep thought behind them, never will truly know what the thoughts are. Life often times is better with a mystery behind it. Strength I mean strong very strong, don't get me wrong I know there is a weak point there. Yet strength is what he always displays to me. A strength that can only come from FEARING GOD, needless to say he does. He is my rock that my tears fall on, my husband Delvyn.
My eyes are closed.
It's time again, man I hate to blink; Grandma has Cancer my mother's MOMMY. I cry so hard because I have never seen her cry. Ethel White Strong GOD FEARING WOMAN; that spent twenty-fours hours in labor with me! I can't remember seeing her cry at my father's funeral. I cry because she doesn't. At least I have never seen a tear fall from her face if it wasn't because of laughter. I inhale but I can't breathe. What is the reason behind this? At some point this has to stop.
My eyes are open.
A song is stuck in my head, however I don't know the title; but the words are there. "Jesus is on the main line tell him what you want, Jesus is on the main line tell him what you want." It's STUCK IN MY HEAD!!! So I stop what I'm doing and do just that. I tell God how I feel, what I've been feeling and how I need to breathe. Much more was said and asked of Him. Most importantly were peace and the strength that my mother has. Her eyes always display freedom to me, she might be feeling differently inside but her eyes tell me different.
My eyes are closed.
Dear heavenly Father I NEVER want to start a prayer without giving you thanks first. Lord thank you for my family, thank you for every blessing you have given us. Father I come to you with a heavy heart and mind. I need peace and freedom. I am in pain in my soul; I don't want to blink my eyes because of the thoughts that come to my mind. I want to have the strength to fight off the sadness. I have faith in you; I don't understand why I can't fight the thoughts. I hear a voice LOUD AND CLEAR..., "NADJA WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SCRIPTURE?"
My eyes are open and so is the Bible
THE PSALMS
27
The Lord Is My Light and My Salvation
A Psalm of David.
1. The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
2. When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes,
came upon me to eat up my flesh,
they stumbled and fell.
3. Though a host should encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear:
though war should rise against me,
in this will I be confident.
4. One thing have I desired of the LORD,
that will I seek after;
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all my days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the LORD,
and to inquire in his temple.
5. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion:
in the secrets of his tabernacle shall he hide me;
he shall set me up upon a rock.
6. And now shall mine head be lifted up
above mine enemies round about me:
therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy;
I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.
7. Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice:
have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8. When thou saidst, Seek ye my face;
my heart said unto thee,
Thy face, LORD, will I seek.
Peace and Strength my eyes are open and no longer afraid to blink.
